True Colors

I have a love-hate relationship with trials and tribulations. I mean let us face it, they are not easy and they hurt too much for my own comfort. The Hate part of this relationship I can spend ages going on about. I hate that it hurts. I hate that I have to sacrifice. I hate that there is so much pain that I can hardly breathe sometimes. Pain. The Hate part of the relationship can simply be described as pain. No fun. Now on to the next part. The Love part. The Love part of this relationship is that fact that I get to grow. I love being challenged. I love having my spiritual muscles tested, torn, and grown again. I love to come out the victor in a tough challenge and know that I became a stronger person because of that trial. I grew. Now, I learned that you DO NOT pray for these trials and tribulations to come because they will come on their own and there is no need to encourage it. A new thing about going through hard times, no matter how hard or “easy” it may be, is that they will always reveal your true colors.

I have to admit that I can be quite conceited in the fact that I can handle difficulties very well. But do I really? I thought I did. I would turn to God, ask Him to give me strength, and when He did I would mentally congratulate myself on how strong I was.

Oh wait, prideful much?! 

Sad to say but true. (You can write that down on your prayer chart: This girl is prideful as heck.) Then I would boost my pride by “realizing” that in some of my trials in life I was the victim. Now I do not wish to downplay those of us who are victims because it is trying and horribly painful, BUT that does not give us a right to act selfishly and in sin. As you probably assumed, I used my “victim” position as a right to be self-centered, selfish, and down-right mean. Prideful and selfish.

Not looking too good here, girlie. 

Now as someone who loves challenges and growing to become a better person, I cannot believe it took me this long to realize trials show my true colors. I knew there were areas I needed to grow in but I like to think that I am a decent person who is loving and kind, no matter what happens to me.

I thought trials showed how amazing I was for having survived.

But when push comes to shove, I realized that when things get harder, my first instinct it protecting myself. When the fire got going and my muster was tested, I did not fare as AMAZINGLY as I thought I did. I finally saw who I really was and how I really respond to tough times. It is easy to put on a good face when things are going well. It is only in the hard times that the depth and fullness of a person’s character is revealed. I had my eyes open to one whopping revelation. I am prideful, I am selfish, and discovered that I did not let these two things go easily and without a fight. I wanted to play the pity card, “everything is against” card, and whatever else fed the desire to wallow and not move forward. I had let myself be deceived that this was healthy and right.

Was this who I truly wanted to be though? 

When I think of who I want to be and who God wants me to be, and then look at how I react to life it helped me snap out of my self-pity delirium and realize that my true colors had been revealed and they were not pretty. I would say dull, gross brown would have been pretty close to what I saw. This is one of the reasons why I have the Love part in the love-hate relationship with trials, God was faithful to support me and tell me the hard things.

“Darling, I know this hurts but do you see who you are letting yourself become? You can say no to that.” 

Man, He was good at what He does! Rebuked and loved all at the same time?! I could not have asked for a better method of delivery.  My true colors were revealed and I was challenged with what I was going to do about it. Life threw me lemons, what would I do?

I heard Psalm 120 recently. It is a cry for help to God. The first part says,

1 I call on the Lord in my distress,
    and he answers me.
2 Save me, Lord,
    from lying lips
    and from deceitful tongues.

3 What will he do to you,
    and what more besides,
    you deceitful tongue?
4 He will punish you with a warrior’s sharp arrows,
    with burning coals of the broom bush. (NIV)

I love hearing of God killing and destroying my enemies, it is so satisfying. But as I was listening to verse four, it dawned on me that though God punishes my enemies with His sharp arrows, He also shot an arrow of discipline and understanding my way. In my disobedience of pride and selfishness, it was Him simply opening my eyes to they way I acted, that felt like coals heaped upon my head. He did not even get to the strong rebuke yet and I grieved over my wayward ways. My true colors were revealed in His non-lethal arrows of love, patience, and mercy.

So the question stands: Will I choose to grow?

I would say yes.

God help your not-so-perfect girl. It is a good reminder to not be puffed up or to be brought down by trials, but in humility acknowledge mu need for strength to go on. It also takes humility to says that GOD is the one who overcame and helped my be a victor. Not me. Whatever is good that comes from my lips and actions have to be from God, because let us face it: I am not perfect. And that is okay. He is diligent and patient to work with us, especially when we are willing. So let us be willing to see our true colors and be willing to do what it takes to grow.

Amen.